How does it feel ....

This friend of mine asked me, How it feels to be engaged? Couldn't find an answer then. I think I can attempt one now.

Everything feels the same, but time doesn't seem to move quite as fast as it used to. Feels like time has slowed only to allow me to enjoy this period of my life. Can't complain really. I like how I feel right now.

Things that used to annoy me still annoy me. Things that used to make me happy still make me happy. Just that the intensity which used to be there is not there anymore. It's been replaced by this, for lack of a better word, "thing".

Everything else seems to matter a little less. There is only one dominant thought on my mind. I can't seem to get it out of my head. I don't want to get it out of my head.

I like the fact that I am now looking forward to something more than just the weekend. A smile find its way on to my face with relative ease.

Feels comfortable. Feels nice. And most importantly, feels right.

Love at First Sight

I didn't watch Saawariya. I did watch Dilli 6.

Sonam Kapoor is nothing short of drop dead gorgeous.

Why people will ever look at Deepika Padukone, I'll never understand.

I'm in love with Sonam Kapoor.

Suffering from serious case of Time Sickness

Thats just my way of saying I'm drowning in nostalgia.

One wonders why people have always been fascinated with the concept of time travel. I think it has something to do with the human obsession of wanting something that can never be had.

It's one thing to grow old and its totally another to grow old gracefully. I really don't buy this you can stay young at heart crap. A 20 year old behaving like a 20 yaer old is normal. A 60 year old thinking and acting like a 20 year old is just plain creepy.

It's not about the age really, it's about what comes with that age.

Me, six years ago, is nothing like me now. That doesn't scare me. I liked who I was then. I like who I am now. Sometimes, every now and then, the grass appears greener on the other side.

There's this odd feeling that I'm not doing everything I should be doing. I'm holding back. I don't know on what or why. But I just know I am. Six years back I didn't have this feeling.

Does age increase your expectations so you feel you are not doing enough ?? Or does age just make you senile and rob you of the courage to do outrageous things in life ??

Natural progression would indicate that age implies experience which in turn provides the impetus for rational behaviour.

Problem is, rational behaviour does nothing for personal satisfaction.

Damn it, I think this has a lot to do with the music I've been listening to. Been listening to this song called Venice Dawn. Check it out. Perhaps this song will get a better reaction out of you.

Life is going in circles

I remember reading somewhere - History doesn't repeat itself, historians repeat themselves.

I kinda don't agree with that.

I know I've felt the way I do right now sometime before right now. Something about my life obviously brings about the same reaction in me - each time, every time.

I'm not going to try to figure this out. I don't think I really care anymore. Not that it matters.

This is how I feel right now

If there was ever a song that could capture my mood right this instant, this is it.




This is "A Punchup at A Wedding" by RadioHead.

=============================================
i don’t know why you bother
nothing's ever good enough for you.
i was there and it wasn't like that.
you’ve come here just to start a fight
you had to piss on our parade
you had to shred our big day
you had to ruin it for all concerned
in a drunken punch-up at a wedding
yeah
hypocrite opportunist
don't infect me with your poison
a bully in a china shop
when i turn ‘round you stay frozen to the spot
your pointless snide remarks
of hammerheaded sharks
the pot will call the kettle black
it’s a drunken punch-up at a wedding yeah
oh no no

My latest realisation

There is a time and a place for everything.

I won't care to elaborate. The rest is private.

What the hell is smart casuals ??

My company's dress code allows for smart casuals on Fridays.

T shirts allowed but round necks are not.
Casual footwear allowed but sandals and slippers are not.

I'm guessing formal wear with the shirt not tucked in will satisfy all the requirements of smart casuals.

The idea is for people to dress down on Fridays and act more relaxed. Not like your work gets any different 'cos you are wearing jeans.

There are two women in my company who seem to have kinda redefined how this is perceived. Last Friday, they wore sarees. As in, not the casual whatever. The kind of sarees which are bought with specific occasions in mind and worn only when women are assured of the presence of other women. Well, you know how women like to show off what they've bought.

They pretty much got the smart bit correctly and I'm guessing their definition of casual is a little skewed.

They probably had their reasons but I can only write about what I see.

Barra Barra by Rashid Taha

This song featured in the movie Black Hawk Down. I loved the movie and I love this song.

I don't know the language. I don't know the lyrics and I don't freakin care.

Star Shpongled Banner by Shpongle

Forget the video. Just listen.

This song allows me to take a step back and enjoy the chaos that I have come to call as my life.

Are you an idiot ??

How would you react if someone asked you that question ?

I'm double damned sure the answer is never a yes or a no. Normally, people assume that when other people ask this question to them, they are trying to make a point and the question is purely rhetorical. Most of the time other people are trying to make a point. How about the times other than most of the time.

It only seems rhetorical because people assume that other people will have the courtesy not to say such things to your face. It gives gossiping a bad name and we all know that is not good for anyone.

There are times when you know that question is purely rhetorical. Like for example if someone were to ask you, "Are you an idiot ? What the fuck do you think you are doing?". Here it's obvious.

Just imagine if you actually answer the question when it is intended to be a rhetorical. What will happen ?

Someone comes up to you and says, "Are you an idiot?". You, without any trace of hesitance or doubt, reply "Yes. It takes one to know one" and you walk off. What kind of reaction can you expect ?

I don't know and I'm very curious to find out.

Henceforth, I shall answer all rhetorical questions. Even if the question obviously does not warrant an answer, I will ensure it is answered.

If someone were to ask me, "who do you think you are?" the following could be my potential answer.

"I am human. I am male. I am my father's son. I am old enough to know this question does not deserve an answer. I am old enough to also know why I am answering this question. These are things I know and hence they are not what I think and thus they do not answer your question. The real answer to your question is, I think I am not an idiot which implies that I am nothing like you. I think I am more than even I can begin to imagine. I think I am more than anything you can fathom. I know I am a nice guy and I think I am right. I think that I can think, which clearly sets us apart. I think what I think I am has no relevance to you or what you think I am, ultimately rendering this question completely irrelevant. I know why I bothered to answer your question. Do you know why you really asked me that question?"

I am not saying this will be my answer. I am saying it could be. This should be an interesting experiment.

Damn, I have too much time on my hands. Need a hobby or something.

When the day fades and the night beckons ....

He felt restless. He knew it was going to be a long day. He was really not looking forward to that day. He wanted the day to gradually fade into oblivion. He did what he had to do albeit with an unmistakable tinge of reluctance. His movements were laboured. Every move, every step, every thought was the result of phenomenal will power.

He only wanted to close his eyes, lie down, listen to his favourite music and let all the random thoughts in his mind run wild.

In his state of apparent delusion, he watched as the day crept past him. He was desperate to free himself from the mind numbing social niceties. Unfortunately, the irrational craving for the overrated idea of social acceptance super ceded all of his primal instincts and he felt himself drowning in the sea of his own gloomy silence.

The end came.
The sun went down.
The music came on.
The day that would inevitably fade into obscurity ceased to exist.
The night was born.

He was no longer restless. He was free.

He felt alive.

It's the cool thing to do

If you are boy friend and girl friend and if you are walking on the road, then the boy's arm has to be around the girl. Doesnt matter where, hips, shoulders or wherever, just as long as there is visible physical contact.

Why ?? 'Cos it's the cool thing to do. Everybody is doing it. Hollywood and Bollywood is filled with this kind of body language.

Mind you, I'm not saying it's wrong.

What I'm really trying to say is, a boy should put his arm around a girl if he wants to and if the girl doesnt mind or if the girl also wants him to. Not because of, for lack of a better word, peer pressure.

Recently I saw something which triggered this post. I generally hit the beach in the mornings and on my way back home I saw this guy and girl. The guy had his arm around the girls shoulder. But, what I didn't really understand was the Great Wall of sunshine between the two of them. There was no genuine intimacy. Why bother with the arm bit ?? Obviously one or both of them weren't comfortable with what they were doing. But still, there they were.

It's not cool if you are doing something you don't like to do just 'cos someone else thinks it's cool. It's not sophisticated if all that you are doing is imitating someone else.

Sophistication is not in the way you dress or speak or even act. Its in the way you think. You can copy anyone by mostly just watching them, but you can never really carry it off like the person you are copying.

There is nothing cool about trying to be cool. It's just cool if you never do something you don't want to do. It's way too cool if you do something you dont want to do for the right reasons.

What happens when you have a fat behind ??

I'll tell you what happens. Don't for one second be tempted to think this is a rhetorical question.

If your office is on the 9th floor and you need to go way way way down to the 8th floor, you wait for the god damn lift.

I've seen this so many times, it really starts to annoy me. I know you don't pay for the lift in office. I know u don't even have to select the floors, after all you have the operator to do it for you. I know it's absolutely free, in every sense of the word. But still, climbing "down" one flight of stairs won't kill you, you know.

The other day, I was in the lift along with one very business unit head and two senior managers from my office. This bunch of kids, five girls, come along with us. All of us were on the 9th floor. Myself and the senior managers were going to the ground floor. The kids were the last to get in - nothing wrong with that. They were loud - nothing really wrong with that too. They selected 8th floor - technically nothing wrong with that too.

The business head saw them press 8 and he didn't say anything. That's because his face said it all. It's the kind of look that makes you want to peel the skin off of your body. For lack of a better word, it was ugly.

It's not only the employees. The problem is with everyone in the building. From the house keeping staff to the caterers, everyone uses the lift for literally everything.

God damn it, use your legs. It won't kill you if your legs get to feel the weight of your body every once in a while. If not anything else, it'll tell you how fat your behinds gotten.

My latest favourite song

Satellite by BT. Without a shadow of doubt, one of BT's better songs.



=============================================

We'd like you to leave immediately.

(next subject...)

We can see the satellite at uh, a distance of about uh, I guess over 15 miles here.

It looked like a star as you looked up.

See here, we have a beautiful view of the earth down below as the satellite departs.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

She smells of the sun
And shes constantly saying
Thats its all right,
Because lies sound so nice.
And like soil to seed goes
To casting my fears aside...

She says, the satellite is coming.
I pray, the wrecking ball is waining
She says, the satellite is coming.
Its come to take us home.

Satellite...

Still smells of the sun
And the light that brings healing
Is burning my eyes
And the dark seems so nice
And Im choking on blessings that I can receive
I hide.

She says, the satellite is coming.
I pray, wrecking ball is waining.
She says, the satellite is coming.
Its come to take us home.
(repeat out)

Power of Boredom

After a nearly two year hiatus, I'm back on Orkut. I had previously deleted my profile and cleared out and now I'm back. I had my reasons for quitting then. At that time, it seemed like a valid reason. Actually, it still does sound very valid. But something more powerful has overcome the validity of my reasoning and now I'm back on Orkut. Ready to be everyone's best friend.

What can I say, never underestimate the power of boredom.

Fear and Greed

What do you think really drives financial markets ?? Man's most primal instincts - Fear and Greed.

I was watching TV the other day and this analyst came up with a very witty explanation for the current financial crisis. It was something like this:

The reason we are in this position now is because of too much greed and too less fear. The reason we are not able to get out of this situation is because of too much of fear and too less of greed.

I think that's very nicely put. There are quite a few who have tried to explore and understand the qualitative aspect of the functioning of financial markets. The social influence that is inevitably brought on my the involvement of humans is undeniable. Try reading "Theory of Reflexivity" by George Soros. The man is a genius, in every sense of the word.

There is a point where rationality is thrown out the window and "sentiments" rule the game. It's not who you are, it's what people think you are. That doesn't stop with people, it true for anything and everything.

Doesn't matter what you think, if Warren Buffet says something markets will plunge or rise. The Finance Minister or the Prime Minister come out with a statement and immediately the market recovers. So what, the fundamentals have all of a sudden changed because some politician has something to say.

How can the Finance Minister say that "investor confidence" has returned ??

How the fuck would he know ??

He hasn't slogged all year long, saved by cutting corners, invested the savings in the stock market and lived to see his life savings be flushed down the god damn toilet.

He has every right to try and convince the world that India is still a hot investment destination. He has every right to say that Indian banks are not in any trouble. He has every right to claim that the Indian economy is insulated from the global recession. Do you see the irony here ?? It's a GLOBAL RECESSION but India is insulated.

He can say whatever he wants about the economy but he has no right to comment on investor confidence.

I can see that I have successfully deviated from where I started. I shall not burden you with my rants any more.

Rest easy.

My sincere advise

In case you are not married, marry someone you already know. From the look of things, I'm sure the entire process is bound to get very ugly.

If you find someone on your own, there are so many advantages. For starters, you wont have prospective matchmakers asking your parents, "Can I have a recent photo of your son?". And obviously, you wont have people commenting on how photogenic your face is or how you appear to be shorter in the photo than you really are.

No pre-marriage pains in this case. There is no avoiding the marriage blues or the post-marriage trauma.

But then, something is better than nothing, right ??

I'm back

It's been a month since I posted last. Funny, it doesn't really feel like a month. There were days when I got bored but in retrospect it does feel like time kinda flew by. How is that ?

Certain events have the capacity to transcend space time continuity. No matter when these events occur, it always feels fresh in the mind. Coming to think it, there were quite a few events that occured over the past month. Lets see now.

=> Financial markets are all screwed
=> Acquaintances renewed
=> Farewells and goodbyes
=> Congratulations and sweets
=> Doubts and uncertainty
=> Productive discussions
=> Meaningless arguments
=> Loads of frustration
=> Ideas galore
=> Nearly a million topics for my blog but no posts
.
.
.
.

That's just a very high level summary of what I have been looking at over the past month or so. I haven't really been working but my mind has always been occupied. In what has otherwise been a rather busy month, I can categorically state that I have been up to nearly nothing productive.

How can I call this anything other than 'NORMAL' ??

Chill to the music

I have Pagan Dream Machine by Entheogenic, Nuria Lita by Kafez and few Buddha Bar tracks on loop. Pretty much the whole day today, I've been listening to these same songs over and over again. Even when the music is switched off, it's only these songs which are playing in my head. Not like this is having an adverse effect on me, just that it's doing the opposite.

For some time now, I have been listening only to film music - Tamil, Telugu and Hindi. I've missed all the other stuff. It all came flooding back, well today. Chill out music. Lounge music. It does have a different effect, I tell you. Actually it has just one effect, at least on me. It completely drives out the single most dominant thought in your head and frees up space for all the other stuff to come in and take over. That's a good thing, at least for me, definitely right now. I have just one thing on my mind. And this music has helped me to not think about it and actually enjoy the music.

Over the past few weeks there have been so many incidents which would have otherwise found their way to my blog. But, as you can see, this is my first post in almost three weeks. Wow.

Well, there is a reason why this thought has been on my mind for so long. It's fairly important. And what I do now will have long lasting effects. If I get it wrong, it is not the end of the world but it would mean I have to put in a lot of effort in fixing things. I'm seriously looking forward to not putting myself in that situation.

Doesn't matter. I now have one of my favourite Buddha Bar tracks playing. I'm done with this post. I've got more important things to listen to.

Death of a symbol

Symbols are meant to represent something: something special. Over the past few weeks I have witnessed two of the most famous symbols in the world being abused like it's nobodies business. My heart bleeds I tell you.





The Prancing Horse. Anyone who owns a car will know what this stands for. Actually anyone who knows anything about cars will know what this stands for. What the hell, ask anyone and they will tell you what this stands for.

You think prancing horse, you invariably think Ferrari, you think Modenna, you think Micheal Schumacher - all legendary names. The recall associated with the prancing horse cannot be mistaken for anything else, not by any stretch of imagination.






The first one is a Ferrari 360 Modena - after a brief slump, it was the Modena that really put Ferrari back on the map. This is most driveable Ferrari of all times and the dream car of every Ferrari fan: arguably Ferrari's best ever: perfection personified.

The second one is a Ferrari Enzo - the fastest production car that Ferrari has ever made. Its in the same class as the Mclaren Mercedes SLR and the Porsche Carrera GT.

Just look at them. Such distinction.

Yet, I have seen this symbol in the most inappropriate places one can think of. I will not attempt to list all of them, but one of them was the worst. The other day I was at the petrol station with a friend, waiting in line for our turn. A Maruti 800 pulled up right next to us. The ass who was driving that piece of shit car had a cheap sticker of the prancing horse stuck on the lid of the petrol tank on his car.

After a really long time, I was so tempted to kill another human being. I feel like beating up people all the time, but I seldom feel like killing someone. Some people have the innate capacity to bring out the worst in me.

Prancing horse sticker on a Maruti 800. That too on the lid of the petrol tank. I am so glad Enzo Ferrari didn't live long enough to see this. Just when I thought this is about as bad as it can get, I was proven wrong - convincingly, might I add.




There may be a few people who might not know what the prancing horse is, but there possibly cannot be anyone who doesn't know what the tri-star stands for. One of the most recognisable names in automobile history, Mercedes Benz, has an image that sets it apart in a league of its own. There is a certain character, a certain legacy, an air of class that the name brings with it. You think Mecedes Benz and immediately you think S class, you think Mclaren Mercedes SLR, you think AMG, you think the Black series, you think Brabus S biturdo roadster.

I was actually thinking of putting in the picture of a Brabus S biturbo here, but then I found this.



If you are a petrol head, trust me, this is worth your time. Take 10 mins and watch the video. I swear you will not be disappointed.

But, when you put that tri-star on the bonnet of an Ambassador it kinda feels a little out of place. I saw this and I was at a complete loss for words. Its been three days now and I am still unable to articulate my feelings in a coherent manner. All attempts seem to end in a barrage of abuse aimed at the Ambassador driver's mother.

I am so sad. I am so angry. Since any and all actions I have in mind are illegal, please can somebody do something about this.