Life is going in circles

I remember reading somewhere - History doesn't repeat itself, historians repeat themselves.

I kinda don't agree with that.

I know I've felt the way I do right now sometime before right now. Something about my life obviously brings about the same reaction in me - each time, every time.

I'm not going to try to figure this out. I don't think I really care anymore. Not that it matters.

This is how I feel right now

If there was ever a song that could capture my mood right this instant, this is it.




This is "A Punchup at A Wedding" by RadioHead.

=============================================
i don’t know why you bother
nothing's ever good enough for you.
i was there and it wasn't like that.
you’ve come here just to start a fight
you had to piss on our parade
you had to shred our big day
you had to ruin it for all concerned
in a drunken punch-up at a wedding
yeah
hypocrite opportunist
don't infect me with your poison
a bully in a china shop
when i turn ‘round you stay frozen to the spot
your pointless snide remarks
of hammerheaded sharks
the pot will call the kettle black
it’s a drunken punch-up at a wedding yeah
oh no no

My latest realisation

There is a time and a place for everything.

I won't care to elaborate. The rest is private.

Are you an idiot ??

How would you react if someone asked you that question ?

I'm double damned sure the answer is never a yes or a no. Normally, people assume that when other people ask this question to them, they are trying to make a point and the question is purely rhetorical. Most of the time other people are trying to make a point. How about the times other than most of the time.

It only seems rhetorical because people assume that other people will have the courtesy not to say such things to your face. It gives gossiping a bad name and we all know that is not good for anyone.

There are times when you know that question is purely rhetorical. Like for example if someone were to ask you, "Are you an idiot ? What the fuck do you think you are doing?". Here it's obvious.

Just imagine if you actually answer the question when it is intended to be a rhetorical. What will happen ?

Someone comes up to you and says, "Are you an idiot?". You, without any trace of hesitance or doubt, reply "Yes. It takes one to know one" and you walk off. What kind of reaction can you expect ?

I don't know and I'm very curious to find out.

Henceforth, I shall answer all rhetorical questions. Even if the question obviously does not warrant an answer, I will ensure it is answered.

If someone were to ask me, "who do you think you are?" the following could be my potential answer.

"I am human. I am male. I am my father's son. I am old enough to know this question does not deserve an answer. I am old enough to also know why I am answering this question. These are things I know and hence they are not what I think and thus they do not answer your question. The real answer to your question is, I think I am not an idiot which implies that I am nothing like you. I think I am more than even I can begin to imagine. I think I am more than anything you can fathom. I know I am a nice guy and I think I am right. I think that I can think, which clearly sets us apart. I think what I think I am has no relevance to you or what you think I am, ultimately rendering this question completely irrelevant. I know why I bothered to answer your question. Do you know why you really asked me that question?"

I am not saying this will be my answer. I am saying it could be. This should be an interesting experiment.

Damn, I have too much time on my hands. Need a hobby or something.

When the day fades and the night beckons ....

He felt restless. He knew it was going to be a long day. He was really not looking forward to that day. He wanted the day to gradually fade into oblivion. He did what he had to do albeit with an unmistakable tinge of reluctance. His movements were laboured. Every move, every step, every thought was the result of phenomenal will power.

He only wanted to close his eyes, lie down, listen to his favourite music and let all the random thoughts in his mind run wild.

In his state of apparent delusion, he watched as the day crept past him. He was desperate to free himself from the mind numbing social niceties. Unfortunately, the irrational craving for the overrated idea of social acceptance super ceded all of his primal instincts and he felt himself drowning in the sea of his own gloomy silence.

The end came.
The sun went down.
The music came on.
The day that would inevitably fade into obscurity ceased to exist.
The night was born.

He was no longer restless. He was free.

He felt alive.

Power of Boredom

After a nearly two year hiatus, I'm back on Orkut. I had previously deleted my profile and cleared out and now I'm back. I had my reasons for quitting then. At that time, it seemed like a valid reason. Actually, it still does sound very valid. But something more powerful has overcome the validity of my reasoning and now I'm back on Orkut. Ready to be everyone's best friend.

What can I say, never underestimate the power of boredom.

I'm back

It's been a month since I posted last. Funny, it doesn't really feel like a month. There were days when I got bored but in retrospect it does feel like time kinda flew by. How is that ?

Certain events have the capacity to transcend space time continuity. No matter when these events occur, it always feels fresh in the mind. Coming to think it, there were quite a few events that occured over the past month. Lets see now.

=> Financial markets are all screwed
=> Acquaintances renewed
=> Farewells and goodbyes
=> Congratulations and sweets
=> Doubts and uncertainty
=> Productive discussions
=> Meaningless arguments
=> Loads of frustration
=> Ideas galore
=> Nearly a million topics for my blog but no posts
.
.
.
.

That's just a very high level summary of what I have been looking at over the past month or so. I haven't really been working but my mind has always been occupied. In what has otherwise been a rather busy month, I can categorically state that I have been up to nearly nothing productive.

How can I call this anything other than 'NORMAL' ??

Chill to the music

I have Pagan Dream Machine by Entheogenic, Nuria Lita by Kafez and few Buddha Bar tracks on loop. Pretty much the whole day today, I've been listening to these same songs over and over again. Even when the music is switched off, it's only these songs which are playing in my head. Not like this is having an adverse effect on me, just that it's doing the opposite.

For some time now, I have been listening only to film music - Tamil, Telugu and Hindi. I've missed all the other stuff. It all came flooding back, well today. Chill out music. Lounge music. It does have a different effect, I tell you. Actually it has just one effect, at least on me. It completely drives out the single most dominant thought in your head and frees up space for all the other stuff to come in and take over. That's a good thing, at least for me, definitely right now. I have just one thing on my mind. And this music has helped me to not think about it and actually enjoy the music.

Over the past few weeks there have been so many incidents which would have otherwise found their way to my blog. But, as you can see, this is my first post in almost three weeks. Wow.

Well, there is a reason why this thought has been on my mind for so long. It's fairly important. And what I do now will have long lasting effects. If I get it wrong, it is not the end of the world but it would mean I have to put in a lot of effort in fixing things. I'm seriously looking forward to not putting myself in that situation.

Doesn't matter. I now have one of my favourite Buddha Bar tracks playing. I'm done with this post. I've got more important things to listen to.

August 8th, 2008

That's today's date. To my knowledge, nothing really special about today, except when you try putting the date on paper, it'll look like this:

08-08-08

I'm sure there must be a whole bunch of astrologers, marathadi josiyar makkal who think today is special for some weird inexplicable reason. I have no idea and I don't really care.

Have a nice day.

Can you imagine ...

Can you imagine what it would be like if the defining moment in your life is all about the worst thing you have ever done ??

Can you imagine living your life knowing fully well that, no matter what you do, nothing will ever change ??

Can you imagine falling asleep everyday thinking how close you were but never quite there ??

Can you imagine living your life in denial ??

Can you imagine waking every morning knowing that you are living your life in denial but you are too scared to do anything about it ??

If you don't have to imagine, damn that would really suck.

What do you think about you ?

If you were asked to describe yourself using one word, which one would you choose? That's not a fair question to ask. So, lets make it more reasonable. Lets say, you can choose multiple single words to describe yourself.

To give you a better idea, if someone were to ask me this question, I would probably come up with the following, this is spontaneous okay - didn't really think about this.

Confident
Sensitive
Sarcastic
Relaxed
Strong
Arrogant
Suave
#$#%@% (just so we're clear, that's the censored part - there are people in this world who don't love me as much as I do)
..... and so on and so forth

You get the picture, right.

I just picked up the phone, called this friend of mine and asked her the same question and this is what she came up with:

Young
Energetic
Vibrant
Versatile
Dynamic
Frank
Independent (this one's actually inferred but I'll allow it)

Interestingly, as you can see, there is nothing common between the two of us. That's because her sense of self is a lot different from my sense of me, which makes sense.

What I actually find interesting is, almost all the words I chose were character traits. Almost all the words she chose were well, I don't what they were but they were certainly not character traits.

You are probably wondering, "where is he going with this?" That's an excellent question and if you were standing in front of my face asking me that question, then you would be greeted with a goofy smile on my face followed by a helpless shrug from my shoulders.

You are also probably wondering exactly why is this guy doing this. Well, to be absolutely truthful, I had twenty minutes before I had to leave to watch a movie. Now, the twenty minutes is up.

Tata. See you. Byeeeee (Supposed to sound like Janakaraj in Baasha)

What women want ??

How the hell should I know? I'm not Mel Gibson and this is not a movie. But you could try this song though.



===============================
Glory Box by Portishead

I'm so tired, of playing
Playing with this bow and arrow
Gonna give my heart away
Leave it to the other girls to play
For I've been a temptress too long

Just. .

Give me a reason to love you
Give me a reason to be ee, a woman
I just so wanna be a woman

From this time, unchained
We're all looking at a different picture
Thru this new frame of mind
A thousand flowers could bloom
Move over, and give us some room yeah

Give me a reason to love you
Give me a reason to be ee, a woman
I just so wanna be a woman

[INSTRUMENTAL]

So don't you stop, being a man
Just take a little look from our side when you can
Sow a little tenderness
No matter if you cry

Give me a reason to love you
Give me a reason to be ee, a woman
Its all I wanna be is all woman

For this is the beginning of forever and ever

Its time to move over...

Questions

What is it about asking questions which are never meant to be answered ?

One would tend to assume that they serve no real purpose, but if that was the case, then one would be completely wrong. I can't quite put my finger on the beauty of these questions. Lets check this one out.

"Which is worse, shopping for women or shopping with women?"

I guess shopping for women with women would particularly suck but I also guess one can make a case for either of the two options.

As I like to say, the answer is only important when asked the right question. When silence is the answer, you know you have hit on one hell of a good question.

So, keep coming up with questions. Questions are the sign of progressive thinking. Bad questions just mean that the direction of your progression is a little off, but not meaningless.

For all those readers who feel like this post is a complete load of crap, I only have the say that the feeling is mutual.

Cheerio.

Yes Teacher

That's how I used to answer my attendance when I was in school. During the course of my schooling it did vary between Yes Ma'am and Yes Sir, depending on the particular teacher. It would be weird if I called everybody Sir or Ma'am. The bottom line is, that's how I used to answer my roll call.

I realise it's been a while since I posted anything up here. I have had the time. Lots of it actually. I even vaguely remember a few topics I wanted to post about. Can't seem to recall exactly what they were right now. But somehow, it never happened.

Anyway, I am here now. Not to post anything, just to mark my attendance.

I'm not dead ... yet.

So much to do ...

Over the past week or ten days, I've been watching a whole lot of movies. Don't exactly know why but just felt like watching movies.

Apocalypse Now
Twelve Monkeys
Blade Runner
Snatch
Lock Stock and two Smoking Barrels
Seven Samurai
Kill Bill 1
Kill Bill 2
Bank Job
Pulp Fiction
Sin City
X-Men 3
Dog Day Afternoon
Lethal Weapon 1

I didn't watch it in that specific order and I know I'm forgetting something, but what the hell. Of course, I have seen most of the movies in that list at least more than once, but like I said - what the hell.

Planning to watch more today. I was thinking of Anjaathey for today and maybe Scar Face or I think I'll go for the Godfather marathon.

So many movies, so little time.

Read BETWEEN the lines

Does history repeat itself ?

There is this quote by some guy who's name I can't recall just now.

"History does not repeat itself. The historians repeat one another."

Just realised the truth in that statement. I find myself in a situation I have been in before. One would tend to think, given my past experience, I will be able to handle the situation better than the first time. Which is true. But that's not the point. The point is, I let myself be put in the situation again.

Worst part is, I saw it coming. Unfortunately I was not willing to let go. Most unfortunate. Too little too late. It has cost me time. It is going to take more than just time to correct this. I'm going to have to change few other things as well. No easy task. Should be interesting to see how things turn out.

Lessons are always there to be learnt. Question is, am I willing to learn ?

I'm annoyed

I know the problem. I know the solution. I just can't seem to implement it. That is seriously pissing me off.

In the absence of implementation the problem keeps recurring which leads to more frustration.

This is something I need to very urgently remedy.

Sunset, Beach, Sundal and the rest

Scene Sindhamani, henceforth referred to as SS, and Rouse Rangamani, henceforth referred to as RR, are friends.

Just as any other weekday, they are jobless and decide to meet up to rant about their joblessness to each other. They decide to meet at elliots beach. They get themselves a packet of sundal each, the universal sign of vettiness.

The following is the complete conversation that occured between them:

SS: Do you know what we should do ?
RR: No. What ?
SS: If I knew I wouldn't have asked now, would I ?
RR: Hmm. If I knew I would have told you now, wouldn't I ?
SS: Hmm. Good point.

They decide to go in for their second packet of sundal and watch the sunset.

Don't think I can keep this up much longer

I'm starting to tire - of everything.